


tricorn hats and dirty old yanks

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Erotomania, F/M, Handwriting fetish, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-29 03:24:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dualscar spends time with his greatest treasure.</p><p>(this is my first fanfic in two weeks. that says something)</p>
            </blockquote>





	tricorn hats and dirty old yanks

Dualscar ran into his cabin, shut the door, and flew over to his desk. With shaking hands he took from his secret drawer his most prized possession, even more prized than the Ahab Crosshairs: a letter from the Empress.

 

He sat down and unrolled the scroll onto the table. The scroll was made of a metal so thin it felt like paper. The seadwellers used this metal as writing material. Making the scroll waterproof was a sign it was meant for a noble purpleblood, not a landbound lowblood. It was also unusual for a letter to come from the Empress. Usually such a letter would come from one of her highest-level subordinates. The Empress was a distant and shadowy ruler. Yet she had not only written this letter but signed it at the bottom.

 

She had chosen to reward the Admiral with this token of gratitude for his noble conquest of the planet Makguff. He also received yet another medal for his success but he treasured this more. He took out his glasses and reread the letter like he had done many times. It was short, mostly taken up by long titles with the actually body of the text only six lines longs. The language was formal as one might expect but Dualscar sensed in three words an informality, even playfulness. This was not a form letter. She had meant this letter for him and him alone.

 

He put his finger on the cold metal and traced the printed text, right-to-left in the formal font. He quickly reached the space where the Empress wrote her own name in her own hand in the handwritten version of the font. He traced the elegant line over and over. She had the most beautiful handwriting he had ever seen. With his powerful glasses he could see little hearts where she dotted the text. She was flirting with him.

 

Dualscar allowed himself to imagine the forbidden sight of the Empress. He had seen her three times but even if he had never seen her he would have known she was beautiful. A troll like that could only be beautiful. Her basic image was known from her characterless official portraits but he knew how long and flowing her hair really was and how magenta her eyes shone even from ten feet away. He thought with considerable guilty pleasure her long legs encased in that tight dress.

 

His bone bulge pressed urgently against the fly of his trousers. He took out an old, beaten-up ice canister he kept for such occasions and put it under his chair. He pushed his chair back and pulled his trousers down to his ankles. Another person might have found it disgraceful to masturbate to their monarch but it was different for him. He had a relationship with her that reached across the stars.

 

Nobody knew about it but they were matesprits. He was flushed for her and she was flushed for him though her position left her unable to official take any lover (he ignored to disgusting rumors she was with her mucus-blooded helmsman). They had a love so secret she didn’t even know about it. She did not know about his feelings but she felt them through their psychic bond. Right now she must be feeling a strange burning in her loins. This was why he always timed his sessions for when she was most likely to be alone. He did not want to embarrass her.

 

He took two fingers and pressed them into his nook. He imagine the Condense, alone in her block, rubbing her bone bulge as if preparing to penetrate him. She was the only troll he would ever let penetrate him (his kismesis always had to force him). Her bone bulge was perfect, not too large, not too small, and it would fit exactly in his nook, contoured in just the right places to make him go mad with pleasure. Perhaps, though, she would not touch him, letting instead her rumored tentacles do the trick. She would hold him up with them and pleasure him while she pleasured herself. She would still share a filial pail with him, though sadly the product of their love would never join the slurry.

 

Dualscar felt close to filling a pail himself. He wanted to delay it to lengthen his matesprit’s pleasure but it was hard holding off. He half-sat up and pressed the ice canister between his boots and closed his eyes when he heard the door squeak open.

 

“Sir you are needed urgently oh mother grub!” the sailor cried.

 

Dualscar pulled up his trousers and twisted his body away from the interloper. He yelled, “Do you lack the ability to knock?”

 

The sailor shielded his eyes. “It was urgent but I shall leave sir as to give you a chance to...prepare, sir.” He quickly shut the door behind him.

 

Dualscar stayed in his position while his bone bulge quickly deflated. His eyes widen as he whispered, “Oh god. He saw me in my reading glasses.”             

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [tricorn hats and dirty old yanks by FailureArtist Review](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1439125) by [mspafanfictionreviews](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mspafanfictionreviews/pseuds/mspafanfictionreviews)




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